Before I end this very long life update (part 1 here), I do want to talk about me growing my relationship with God and committing to living my life for Him. 2020 was a really tough year for me, as I’m sure it was for many. In my life update about growth, healing, and finding myself, I opened up about my mental health and how depressed I was for most of the year. There were times when I felt like my life had no purpose. I was completely unsure about the future and the direction my life was going in. There were so many unknowns, which made me afraid to truly live my life. It was such an emotional burden that felt impossible to overcome; however, I had finally began to make peace with my disappointments and failures and was ready to start living a happier, healthier life.
But, life, as it often does, threw me another huge curve ball, and toward the end of 2020, I went through a traumatic breakup. Before I could fully catch my breath, I was back to square one, left trying to pick up the pieces to my life once again. There was a point where I didn’t think I would survive the heartbreak of it all. My problems felt too big to overcome. I had completely lost faith in myself and, most importantly, I had lost faith in God.
My cousin, who I’m incredibly thankful for, knew that I was hurting like never before. She sent me the most heartfelt text message that brought me to tears. During our conversation, she encouraged me to start having bible study. She was certain that having bible study and strengthening my relationship with God would change my life because it was changing hers. I told her I was open to that, so she arranged for me to have my first real bible study.
I believe I had my first study around the time I applied for the paraprofessional position. I remember being afraid to get my hopes up because that’s what I had done so many times before just to end up disappointed and feeling like a failure. I didn’t want that to happen again, so I tried not to overthink it. I prayed about it, and left it in God’s hands. “If it is meant for me, it will be mine,” I kept telling myself. When I accepted that it was no longer my problem and God was going to take care of me, everything worked out, and I got the job. From there, I started having weekly bible studies, and for the first time in so long, I felt like my life was finally going in a positive direction – something I had spent years praying for. My faith in myself and my faith in God had been restored, not because I finally got a job I wanted but because I chose to trust God and “have faith the size of a mustard seed” (Matthew 17:20).
Having weekly bible studies made me realize how absent God had been in my life. For the record, I’ve always been a believer in God; I’ve always prayed, but it wasn’t enough to just be a believer. It wasn’t enough to just pray. It’s important that I make time to know God and His son Jesus Christ and build relationships with them. I realized just how much I need God and how important it is for Him to be at the center of my life at all times. I know that I can’t live life without Him. So, I’m very thankful for this journey to draw closer to Him. I’m also thankful for my cousin for reminding me to seek God during difficult times and for Mrs. Lisa for studying with me and teaching me about God and His will. I am nothing without God. He is now the center of my life. I know that nothing is possible without Him.
As difficult as my journey has been, I’m thankful for where it has led me. I can’t imagine continuing on with life not ever truly knowing God and His son. I’ve learned there is no way to truly know God and His son if you’re not earnestly seeking them and their kingdom. This post brings me to tears because it’s my testimony of true faith.
I will be sharing more about my spiritual journey. I can’t wait to see how much my life is going to change because of it. I know this was such a long life update (again, click here for part 1), but it’s one that I felt I needed to share. I hope you all will continue to follow me as I GROW through the highs and lows of life. Thanks for always supporting me and reading my content. It’s greatly appreciated. Please comment below anything you’d like me to share or any content ideas you may have. If you don’t want to comment publicly, you can always send me a message here via my contact page. Also feel free to leave me any prayer requests. I pray for everyone all the time — those I know and those I don’t.
Love you all and wishing you all the very best,