Can you truly forgive someone for cheating? | Relationship Q&A

This post is sponsored, but all opinions are my own.

I’m doing something I’ve never done here on my blog, which is answer my FB friends questions about relationships. People often come to me for relationship advice, and I always try my best to give them sound advice based on their circumstances. I am not a relationship expert in any way, but I do have quite a bit of relationship experience and have learned a lot over the years.

Without further ado, let’s get your questions answered: 

1. Can you truly forgive someone after he/she has cheated?

I think this question depends on the person. I believe some people (because I don’t like speaking for everyone) will forgive but find it very difficult to forget. I think it’ll always be in the back of their mind that their partner cheated, which will change the dynamics of the relationship because the trust that was there was broken. Some people won’t trust their partners in the same way or will question certain things they do because again, that trust was broken. It’s also possible that some people may not completely forgive a person for cheating, and may harbor resentment while continuing to be with that person. So, again, it just all depends on the person. For me personally, I know I would not be able to completely forgive and would have to end the relationship just because it would always be on my mind and constantly get in the way of us trying to move forward.

2. How long do you think is reasonable to be in a relationship and he hasn’t proposed?

I believe 2-3 years is reasonable. Maybe even 4-5, but I’m hesitant to say 4-5 because I honestly believe you should know whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone within the first 2-3 years. Longer than 5 years to me is just too long. I personally would start to feel like I’m wasting my time if he hasn’t committed after 4-5 years of being together. Now, I do understand everyone’s circumstances are different. Some men, from what I’ve learned, like to be established before proposing, which could take a few years after y’all start dating, but in that case, it definitely should be a conversation. I think ultimately, each couple has to do what’s best for them. No one knows your relationship better than you two, but if you feel like you’ve been in a relationship long enough, and he hasn’t proposed, make sure you’re communicating to him that marriage is something you want and feel is important. However, it ultimately has to be something you both want. Otherwise, you could be forcing him into a marriage, which is definitely something you don’t want to happen because it likely won’t end well.

3. How do you feel about dating people with kids?

Personally, I never wanted to date men with kids because I don’t have kids. If I had kids, I’m sure I would feel differently because then obviously we would be able to relate and understand each other’s individual journey a lot more. But I think everyone has to do what’s best for them. At the end of the day, you can’t help who you like or love and have the right to make your own decisions. I just know that sometimes it can be a lot of drama involved when dating someone with kids, so you have to choose wisely. You definitely don’t want to be in the middle of a messy situation. When kids are involved, I think each adult should be willing to work together and be mature, so as long as everyone can do that, I don’t see an issue.

4. Should there be any secrets in your relationship? Should you know everything about your partner?

There shouldn’t be any secrets in your relationship, and you absolutely should know everything about your partner. You shouldn’t be kept in the dark about anything. For instance, you should know how much your partner makes, how much your partner brings home, where he or she works, who their family and friends are, etc. Everything there is to know, you should know – even if it’s something “bad.” If your partner is keeping secrets or withholding information, to me, that’s a serious red flag that needs to be addressed before the relationship continues. You and your partner should have a mutual understanding when it comes to honesty, communication, and openness.

5. When you’re married, should everything be split 50/50 or should the man pay the majority?

I always go back and forth on this question because I was taught that the man should always be the sole provider. My parents are married, and that’s what I grew up seeing. However, I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman helping out, especially if she has the means to. Why not? I feel like we’re living in a different time than when my parents got married. Times are harder now, and I believe it takes two people depending on your circumstances, but even in that case, I do feel that the man should still pay more than the woman. Now, if you’re married to a man who doesn’t need help or wants to be the sole provider regardless than I certainly wouldn’t debate with him about it. He’s just doing what I feel a real man should do. One thing I am clear on, though, is that the woman should never be the one taking care of the man. I don’t agree with that at all. It’s really sad because I see that happening a lot nowadays. If you’re with a man who allows you to take care of him or expects you to pay more than he does, I believe that makes him less of a man. The only, and I mean the only way a woman should be expected to take care of the man is if he falls ill or gets badly hurt to the point that he can’t provide (because those vows said for better or for worse). That’s just my honest opinion.

Those are all of the relationship questions I received. Thanks to everyone who submitted a question. Again, I’m not a relationship expert, but I tried my best to give sound and honest advice, and I hope it helps. If anyone needs additional advice or is having difficulty overcoming challenges in your relationship, you can always get help at Ray of Hope Counseling Services. Ray of Hope offers a ton of services. A few that really stuck out to me are child trauma, child abuse healing, adolescent therapy, couples relationship therapy, PTSD treatment, sexual abuse treatment, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, and self esteem, but they offer so many more. Ray of Hope also offers Atlanta therapy groups. What I love about the therapy groups is that you can get emotional support from a group of people who may be experiencing some of the same issues you are. So, I encourage you to head over to their website for more information on services and the different therapy groups. 

Photo: Ray of Hope Counseling Services

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