Where I’ve been?
It’s been exactly two months since I’ve posted a blog post. It feels good to be back! I’ve missed posting content for you guys and doing what I love. I’ve thought about posting and even sat down a month or so ago and started working on a post, but I couldn’t bring myself to finish it. Before now, I haven’t felt motivated to post. This year has been an emotional roller coaster for me to say the least. A lot has changed in my life, and it’s been hard adjusting to those changes. I’ve found it difficult to focus on things that I love because I’ve been so stressed out with everything that’s been going on and working hard to get to a place of growth and healing.
One thing that has been consistent over the last several months (years even) is me trying desperately to find myself. After graduating college in 2016 with a bachelors degree in English, it’s been difficult trying to navigate the post-graduate life. I thought surely by now I would be well into a career that I love and truly living a life I’ve always dreamed of. I always joke about if anyone had asked me a few years ago where I’d be today, I would tell them I’d be a journalist or freelance writer of some sort. My significant other would be well into his desired career, we’d be settled down, probably married, and on our way to having our first child. It’s the perfect picture that many of us create for our lives: graduate college, start a career, get married, have kids, and just live as happy of a life as we can. Well, in these years of me searching to find myself, I’ve learned that the perfect picture sometimes doesn’t exist, at least not the way we create it in our minds.
I know a lot of us are taught to believe that college is the ultimate path to success and that after college, everything will fall into place. It’s been extremely difficult accepting the fact that that’s not the case for everyone and certainly hasn’t been the case for me. I’ve struggled to land jobs both inside and outside of my career field. Either I’m too qualified or not qualified enough. Getting turned down or even worse, never hearing back from jobs I was confident I would land really started to weigh heavily on my mental health. And on top of that, I can’t tell you how many people have doubted me and told me I should’ve gotten a degree in a more promising career field. It’s extremely disappointing. I started feeling worthless and like I’m not good enough, smart enough, talented enough. I stopped believing in college and wishing I had taken a different path after high school. I was filled with so many regrets that really started to take over my personal life.
Then, there were those days when I would feel guilty for believing college was a waste and that it really is a scam after all. I’ve had to constantly remind myself that there are so many people who would have loved to go to college just simply for the experience. I know for me, I got to experience living on my own without my parents. I was forced to mature in a lot of ways and had to learn to be independent, which has definitely paid off in more ways than one. I got to meet new people, including my best friend Roger. I got to learn a lot about myself. Most importantly, a lot of what I learned in those lecture halls I probably wouldn’t have learned had I taken a different path. So, while college hasn’t given me the life I’ve always dreamed of, it did give me what no one can take away: knowledge and experience. Maybe not the kind of experience employers look for, but the kind that equipped me for life and not just a career. So you see, there are a lot of positives to going to college that outweigh some of the downsides like struggling to find a job.
Where am I now?
Although I’m not completely healed from all the disappointment and heartbreak I’ve experienced since graduating college, I refuse to give up on myself and on my dreams. I’m working tirelessly to get to a better place so that I can continue this journey of creating the life that I want. I’m thrilled to get back to doing the things that I love most – blogging being one of them. Just writing this post has brought me an immense amount of comfort. There’s nothing like wanting to be heard and knowing there are people out there willing to listen. That said, I can’t deny that this two month break was much needed. It really allowed me to focus on what’s most important (my mental health), and it’s also given me time to get inspired and motivated again. I have a strong feeling that a lot of positive changes are about to happen. I feel like I’m ready to take on the world again.
Before I go today, I also want to say that since starting my blog, I’ve always focused on the content, and I’ve always stuck to what this blog is about – fashion, home decor, lighthearted lifestyle advice – and nothing super deep or personal for the most part. I plan on continuing that, but I do think it’s important for people following along on this journey to know that my life is more than just fashion and home decor. Like anyone else, I’m human and going through real life situations, and there are going to be times when I’m feeling motivated and happy to share content and other times when I’m not and don’t want to share anything at all. I also think it can be a good thing for content creators to share the ups and downs of everyday life, especially on social media. I think people get used to seeing content creators one way, you know, the glitz and the glamour, and forget that we are normal people too going through normal people things. Instead of shying away from our adversities, I think we should learn to embrace them, for those adversities could lead us to major breakthroughs.
If you’re someone struggling to find happiness or yourself, I hope you too can get to a healthy place of growth and healing. I hope you find comfort in knowing you’re not alone. There are so many people out there who can relate and who have been exactly where you are. I hope you find strength and inner peace. I hope you find your way and start to live a happy life – whatever that looks like for you ❤️
Comment below if you’ve been struggling to find yourself and how you’ve been coping and working to make it through. I’d love for us to lean on each other and get a healthy conversation going in the comments.
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I hope to see you back here next time.